High school is supposed to be a defining moment of our lives, but for most people, like me, it was a setting for a series of the most humiliating experiences inside and outside the classroom involving unwanted bodily functions and bad luck.
“I suffered from horrible stage fright. All sophomores were required to perform a dance we choreographed ourselves in front of random teachers and faculty. I dreaded this for weeks. I picked Martina McBride’s “This One’s for the Girls.” On the performance day, I was asked if I was ready, and I nodded, knowing damn well I wasn’t. I heard the song start playing, and I forcefully retched, and exorcist projectile vomited all over the stage and down the steps in front of me. My instructor rushed toward me as I slipped forward and fell down the stairs in my vomit. All performances were postponed until the following day, and I transferred out of that class.”
“I went to a pretty big high school with almost 5,000 students. When the bell rang, you wanted to get out of there ASAP so you didn’t get stuck in the crowd. My mom would pick me up from outside the front gate. If you left class early to beat the crowd, sometimes the gate would still be locked because security hadn’t unlocked it yet. This was a day when the gate was still locked, but I had jumped it plenty of times. I got up to the top of the fence, threw my backpack down to the other side, and decided how I wanted to land, so I didn’t hurt my ankles or anything. I soared off the fence, and it felt a little too breezy. I looked back to the fence, only to see the entire ass of my pants still hanging from the top. I didn’t realize my belt loop had gotten caught on one of the spokes and ripped off all of the fabric.
“To make it even better, the school crowd had just arrived, witnessing my bare ass. I had to wait another five minutes before my mom got to the school. I never jumped the fence again. It still haunts me to this day.”
“I took an Amtrak to school. I had a big, cross-body purse where I packed my glasses case and contacts, a book, wallet, emergency tampons, bandaids, snacks, etc. It was BULGING. I had to go to the bathroom. If you’ve never been on an Amtrak, the bathrooms had a sliding door that faces the first row of seats. The doors are out of arm’s reach from the toilet, and the doors slide open widely. People in the seats can see in if it’s open. They also don’t have anywhere to hang a purse. When I went in, I hung my ginormous purse on the door lock. Then, I took what we’ll call ‘a very pungent delivery’ and realized I started my period. ‘Good thing I brought spare tampons!’ I hobbled forward, grabbed a tampon, waddled back to the toilet, and then the train took a curve, causing the door to slide open and clang loudly.
“The lady sitting in the first row of seats looked up, overcome by fumes, and saw me, pantsless, with my hand halfway into inserting a tampon. We locked eyes, I waddled forward, and pushed the door to slam it shut. But my big purse swings with the momentum, AND THE DOOR SLID OPEN AGAIN! I had a tampon half inside me, I waddled forward, eyes still locked, trying to close the door, and it happened AGAIN! Finally, I just stood fully upright, tampon swinging in the breeze, the smell of death wafting around, and grabbed my purse, and closed and locked the door.”
“I fainted and peed all over myself and the auditorium floor during a formal dance. Lesson learned; your bladder can also relax if you faint. Always go to the bathroom ASAP. The worst part is I fainted once and recovered, insisted I was fine, got halfway across the dance floor — everything went hazy, and I blacked out again.
“I woke up to a huge, bearded chaperone holding me up, vaguely aware of something trickling down my leg. He said, ‘Yeah, you peed,’ and hugged me. There was an actual puddle at my feet, and my shoes were soaked. Good times *sigh*. Note: I wasn’t drunk; turned out I had mono.”
“In Grade 11, during our Remembrance Day ceremony, I had a big trumpet solo. The song’s end had a super high note, and I struggled. If you’ve never heard a trumpeter straining to hit a note, it’s a mixture of a tiny fart and a loud ‘raspberry.’ Not one to give up, I attempted the high note a few more times before leaving the stage and crying in front of the audience.”
“I had a pair of well-loved jeans that fit like a glove. One day, I sat on the floor next to a friend’s locker and felt them rip across the butt. To make things worse, I panicked and ran across campus to the nurse’s office against the traffic [of students]. Everyone saw me running and why. To make it even worse, I was wearing super-ugly granny panties with brown flowers that I only used when I was on my period. I would have rather been commando that day.”
“I’ve always been the quiet girl in the background — do what I’m told, don’t talk much, nothing really special. One day, I stayed behind with my history teacher because I needed help with a project, and he said I could stay if I were okay with him recording for our next lesson. I said fine, as long as I’m not heard in it. About 15 minutes into the recording, I farted. I thought it was quiet, but it wasn’t. He said he would record again but from home.
“Fast-forward to our next lesson, and about 15 minutes into the recording, everyone is quiet and focused, and you hear someone in the recording fart loud. Then you hear my voice saying, ‘Sorry.’ At this point, my teacher is trying to stop the recording. After about 20 tries, he stops it, but everyone is looking at me. Some are laughing. I am dying inside. Since then, I’m terrified of farting if someone is close.”
“It was sophomore year picture day. I had gone through quite a BIG change that summer, so naturally, I wanted my picture to look awesome. I had a cute little outfit on. I did my hair and makeup and everything. After we all took our pictures, I had to stand up and do a presentation. Come to find out, there is a softball-sized HOLE right in the middle of my jeans, completely exposing my lacy panties and my butt crack. After that, I couldn’t find anyone with a spare change of clothes, so I ended up just walking out and going home.”
“During the fall play in my senior year, I received a handmade flower on multiple nights from a ‘secret admirer.’ I figured they were in the production like me. I was part of the backstage crew. Unfortunately, I was right. Turns out that the other girls on the crew felt sorry for me and wanted me to have some romance.”
“In my freshman year in typing class, not only was the teacher a super hot varsity baseball coach, but there was a guy in this class with me (we’ll call him Thomas) that I’d always had a crush on. Fast-forward to when the NCAA March Madness tournament was coming up. Thomas and the hot teacher talked about how good UConn (University of Connecticut) is. I chimed in ‘trying’ to sound like I’m with it in the sports world and said, ‘UConn should be so proud of themselves to make it to the tournament! Y’know…being from Alaska!’ Hot teacher and Thomas gave me ‘the look,’ and I wanted to crawl in a hole forever. MY DUMB SELF deadass thought they were talking about a team from fucking Alaska. Oh, and to add to the embarrassment…the Yukon is, in fact…in Canada.
“This was back in 2006, and now at 31 years old in 2022, that comment still haunts me. BUT WAIT! It gets better! I ran into the hot teacher this past fall at the bar, and while we were catching up, he told his wife and my boyfriend the story.”
“I was on the dance team sophomore year. During the middle of the kick line, I slipped and fell on my ass. I got back up like a champ but split my dress open in the back during the next jump. I ran out crying. As I waited outside, dejected, for my mom to pick me up, a little girl asked me if I was the lady who fell. I said, ‘Yes.’ And she goes, ‘Wow, I feel sorry for you.'”
“In AP art, we had to work with a partner to design an art showcase. I was partnered with my crush. I LOVED this guy and was excited to work with him so closely. When we were working on hanging up our art the day before the show, I let out the hottest, most pungent fart EVER. He was like, ‘Ummmm. I am gonna throw up.’ I had the audacity to say it wasn’t me. As if it could’ve been anyone else 😂.”
“I was on an off-brand school cheer team and wanted to wear my uniform to school on Friday like the cool kids. What could make my outfit even cooler? Wearing a white training bra underneath, of course (before I even really needed it). I get to school, and kids are pointing and laughing because they can see the bra peeking through the arm holes of my uniform. I was so embarrassed; I rushed to the bathroom to remove the bra. I balled it up tightly in my fist, opened my locker, and threw the bra inside.
“Cut to a few minutes later, we can hear in the classroom that kids are getting loud and excitable in the hallway. My bra was lying in the middle of the hallway! I have no idea how I missed the locker, but it was out for all to see. Instead of doing the sensible thing and pretending I had no idea whose it was, I ran forward, scooped it up, and put it in my locker — cheeks burning.”
“In the late ’90s, [when] super baggy pants were popular, the pocket of my baggy pants got caught on a railing and completely came apart — revealing my underwear. It was mortifying. My best friend walked me to the office, holding her jacket up to cover my ass. The secretaries had a good laugh. Now, I’m a high school teacher, and I tell this story to kids whenever they embarrass themselves. They usually feel better after hearing about my pants debacle. How could they not?”
“My English teacher nominated me for a community award, and the prize was getting to wear a special ‘character counts’ T-shirt that was designed each year by a student. My school had uniforms, so any chance to be out of the dress code was a huge deal. I paired my special T-shirt with my best pair of Hollister khakis. I remember walking up through the aisles of students and hearing people snickering. I took a break and went to use the restroom, and behold, I had started my first period and had a huge brown blood stain across my bottom! It is a mystery to this day how I did not feel this happening.
“I did not realize this was my period — it wasn’t red! Another mystery to me. I just went back out there to finish my school day and went home, with no attempt to try to conceal or get help. Once home, I took my pants off, wallowed in embarrassment, and mourned the loss of an expensive pair of pants. It was a couple of hours before alerting my mother to what happened, and she had to be the one to tell me it was, in fact, my first period.”
“In 10th grade, we had a project due in which we had to build a castle model from a book we were studying. Of course, I did it the night before it was due with supplies bought after school earlier that day. I chose clear glue and used it to stick all the Styrofoam pieces together. I let it dry for a couple of hours and added clay and paint. Well, the glue didn’t even set a little, so the castle would fall every time I started to do anything. It wasn’t dry in the morning either when I took it to school to present to my class. My whole presentation fell apart figuratively, literally, and physically. Everyone laughed, and the teacher didn’t say much but gave me a D. I felt like everyone thought I didn’t belong, and I had to be the dumbest one there.”
“A few weeks into my freshman year, I wasn’t feeling well in my Spanish class. I didn’t know where the bathrooms were because it was a new building. So, I vomited at my desk. I got a few girls’ purses, and it was awful. Two days later, it was September 11, so it was unfortunately forgotten about quickly.”
“I met my first boyfriend the summer before freshman year, and I was excited to go to our first high school dance together. He was acting off all night, and at one point, he told me he was going to dance with a different girl we knew from bio class because he ‘felt bad she was alone.’ I was young, naive, and frankly stupid, so I let it happen. I made the mistake of going to the bathroom, and he was nowhere to be found. My friends helped me search, only to find him making out with the girl from bio class. Our whole friend group saw it. That was the first time I remember being mortified beyond comprehension.”
“[During] my first blood drive donation, I passed out in front of the cutest boy in school. He was the last thing I saw before my head hit the table.”
Do you have an embarrassing story from high school you need to get off your chest? Let us know about the nightmare in the comments.